Confessions From the Exam Table

      You know you’re getting older when a trip to the doctor feels like a family reunion. I walked into the waiting room, and it was like I’d stumbled into a gathering of all the people I’d ever known who were sick. There was Old Man Jenkins, who looked like he’d just come from a wrestling match with a cactus. Then there was Miss Betty, who had more bandages on her than a mummy in a horror movie.

     I sat down, flipping through a magazine that was three years out of date, and wondered why they always put the most uncomfortable chairs in the waiting room. I mean, if I’m feeling bad enough to need a doctor, the last thing I want is to be sitting on a chair that feels like it was designed by the Spanish Inquisition.

     Finally, the nurse called my name. I walked into the examination room, trying to remember if I’d ever seen a doctor who didn’t look like they were about to launch into a lecture on the benefits of kale. I sat on the table, which always feels like a cruel joke. “Here, sit on this paper-covered slab while we poke and prod you!”

     The doctor came in, and I swear it looked like he hadn’t seen sunlight in a decade. He started asking me questions like he was trying to solve a mystery. “What brings you in today?” Well, Doc, if I could’ve solved that on my own, I wouldn’t be here, would I? 

     He started checking my heartbeat, and I could feel my heart racing like it was trying to escape. “You seem a little anxious,” he said. I wanted to say, “No kidding! I’m sitting here in a paper gown that’s two sizes too small, and you’re the one holding a stethoscope like it’s a magic wand!”

     After what felt like an eternity of poking, prodding, and discussing my diet (which apparently consists of more fried food than vegetables). He finally concluded that I was in decent health, Considering I had just downed a double cheeseburger and a milkshake before coming in.

     As I left the office, I thought to myself, if I ever need to lose weight, I’ll just go to the doctor’s office. Nothing like a good dose of anxiety and a gown that’s tighter than my jeans to put me on the straight and narrow!

     So, to all you folks out there, remember the next time you’re feeling a little off, just embrace the glorious adventure that is a trip to the doctor. It may not be the highlight of your day, but it sure makes for a good story!


Comments

  1. MEBDecember 18, 2024 at 4:29 AM

    I HAPPY TO SAY I ONLY GO TO MY DOCTOR TWICE A YEAR. NO PAPER GOWN! GOOD HEALTH IS A BLESSING FROM GOD.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Leland ShippDecember 18, 2024 at 4:34 AM

    Well, look at you! Good health and only two trips to the doctor a year? You must be living right! Just remember, when you do go, make sure to bring a good book for the waiting room and a sense of humor for the inevitable questions about your diet. Keep enjoying those cheeseburgers—but maybe add a vegetable or two in there for good measure!

    ReplyDelete

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