The Family Gathering Countdown

     Only four days until Christmas, and I’m already bracing myself for the family gathering. You know what that means, right? the inevitable debates over who makes the best cornbread and why Aunt Faye insists on bringing that awful fruitcake that’s been in the family since the dawn of time. Seriously, I think that fruitcake has its own zip code. If you threw it at someone, it might just bounce off and start a new neighborhood watch program.

     I’ve got my game face on because I’m prepared to defend my position as the undisputed champion of sweet tea brewing. Folks, let me tell you, sweet tea isn’t just a drink. It’s a way of life down here. I once saw my cousin try to make it with unsweetened tea. You’d have thought he committed a crime against humanity. People were clutching their pearls like they were about to faint! If you can’t win the family cook-off, at least you can win the drink wars. And I plan to win with a gallon jug that could drown a small cat.

      Now, let’s talk about the food. You know there’s going to be enough fried chicken to feed the entire population of a small country. And don’t even get me started on the sides. We’ve got mac and cheese so cheesy it’s practically a dairy product on its own. Then there are the collard greens that could double as a salad and a weapon. Then we have the potato salad that Aunt Edna swears has a secret ingredient. I’m pretty sure that secret ingredient is just a whole lot of love.

      And then there’s the gift exchange. Last year, I ended up with a novelty mug that says, “World’s Okayest Cousin.” I’m still trying to figure out if that was a compliment or a backhanded insult. This year, I’m hoping for something a little more practical. Like a lifetime supply of aspirin for when I have to listen to Uncle Bill explain his conspiracy theories about why the squirrels in the backyard are plotting against him. I mean, I know squirrels can be a little shady, but I didn’t think they were forming a government!

     And remember, folks, if anyone asks about your New Year’s resolutions, just smile and change the subject. “Oh, you want to know my resolutions? Well, how about we discuss Aunt Faye’s fruitcake recipe instead? I hear it’s a family heirloom, passed down from generation to generation, like a curse!” 

     So, as I gear up for the chaos of the family gathering, I’m stockpiling my patience like it’s the last can of green beans on the shelf. Brace yourselves, folks. It’s going to be a wild ride full of laughter, questionable culinary choices, and enough family stories to fill a novel. Ok, at least a decent sitcom. Here’s to Christmas, where the love is strong, the food is plentiful, and the fruitcake is… well, let’s just say it’s a conversation starter!